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Car woes.

I'm friggin stressed out about buying a car.

I had a 2000 Toyota Tacoma. Toyota decided to buy back certain model years in the northeast due to a faulty sealant they used to paint the frames of the trucks.  Basically we use to much salt up here and the trucks were rotting.

So the folks at Toyota paid me 150% of the Kelly Blue Book excellent value of my truck  - $12,690.

Flippin' sweet.

Except now I have all this money, and i'm too cheap and picky to buy something.  And when I try something always goes horribly awry.

My friend Alexis randomly told me yesterday if I saw seven crows, it meant it was favorable to enter into an agreement or something along those lines.  So today on the way to dealership I didn't see any crows. However, I think two birds randomly tried to commit suicide by freakishly flying into our car.  Bad sign?  Yes apparently.  Still no car.  Honda fucked with me today.

I'm stressed.  My bike is looking more and more like a main source of transportation.
Well, I took a day off yesterday.  I was craving pizza so bad. I also had the highly stressful duty of shopping for a new vehicle yesterday (which i don't even have the mental energy to get into right now).

So, I had my pizza.... I'm good for a while.

I hopped right back on the horse this morning, and also did a 2+ mile walk at the track today.
I quite enjoy just walking and listening to my iPod.
It also makes me feel good because it's cheap, I don't have the funds for the gym right now.

I really would like to tone up with some weights though.  Right now, however, cardio is good enough... I'll cross that bridge soon.

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yeah buddy.

Good workout today :)
Biked  2 miles to college track...
walked 2 miles
Biked 2 miles back home.

I think this is my new favorite workout.

Foooood

So today my body told me to eat more.
I am dutifully listening.
I upped my calories the past 2 days to about 1800.
This is probably what I should be eating anyways....
Managed about 10.5 miles on my bike yesterday.
Northampton to Amherst.

MMMmmmm homemade chicken salad (low-fat mayo of course)... and added tarragon on fresh sourdough.

Also enjoying my well deserved weekend.

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Oddly enough

I am quickly approaching 2 weeks of successful eating (i.e. sticking to my diet of approximately 1600 calories a day).
Strangely enough I actually feel like I am shrinking.
My pants are falling off my ass at work. 
This is a good thing my size 18's and 16's are sitting in my armoire waiting to be worn again.
Life is good.

My weekend starts now - I have tuesday and wednesday off.... I intend on going for a bike ride.

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doom & fear

So....    In the last two weeks I've lost about 7 lbs.
However I live in fear every morning that I will wake up and the scale will just say "haha foooled you".
Like it will all just reappear... the gods of fat will just say "Sorry, no, you must remain fat"
I've been eating between 1500 and 1700 calories daily and the weight is coming off at an acceptable pace... i just have this impending doom fear feeling.

I've been putting a sticker on my calendar for every day that I've eaten well and I look forward to doing it at the end of each night.
Yeah ... i'm second grade material.

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boring crap.

My scale is F-ing with me and it's pissing me off.

Yesterday was national "Ride Your Bike To Work Day".  I didn't do it. 
I wanted to, but I didn't.  I'm not sure I'm in bicycle shape enough to ride 12 miles uphill.
I did it once last year - it took me an hour and 1/2 - and i felt really super cool afterwards.
My other dilemma is I work 2nd shift so... I'd be riding 12 miles home in the dark at 11pm.
I would need to find a ride home.

Anyways I had 2 consecutive days of successful eating (i.e. calories around 1600 for the day).  Go me!

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One semi-successful day done.

Today was a decent day for me.
I managed to consume after all said and done about 1600 calories for the day.
Not too shabby if I do say so.

Today was free iced coffee day at dunkie's.  I'm not a big fan of DD's but I can't turn down free.
You know.

Mostly, what's weighing heavily on my mind is:

My sister called me today, she managed to casually drop in the conversation that my aunt has T-cell lymphoma. She was moved from the local hospital here to Brigham and Women's or somewhere in Boston today.  It's all happened quite fast.   I'm not sure of the prognosis.... but based on my 10-second reasearch it really depends on the type of T-cell lymphoma.  I think I'm more sad that I haven't been a wonderful niece.  My aunt is the sweetest lady, and I'm the relative that keeps myself distant from family functions.  I never really got to know her.  My dad's family is just so strange.   My grand parents had died before I was born (both from lymphatic cancers i might add) and nobody seems to talk about them.  It's all just odd.

That's all.

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Day off...

I noticed this is a common theme in peoples journals lately - so i jumped on the wagon & called out sick today.
I have gotten so much cleaning done.  It makes me feel like my life is back together.  My apartment is dusted, vacuumed, clean and fresh!

My boyfriend bought me an armoire yesterday.  I absolutely love it.
I am positively sick of my IKEA bureau - putting it back together once a week when it falls apart.  Really puts a damper on things.
I'll post a picture if I can find the mental energy.
I still have to finish it - i.e. sand, stain, poly etc. and i want to buy some handles to put on the doors in place of the generic ones.

In fitness/diet news, I lost 1.5 lbs. this week.  I purchased a bunch of fresh fruit, and had it prepared for work and what not every day.
Although, I ate so much fresh pineapple, the acid from it made my mouth all raw.
Weather pending, I hope to get a few bike rides in this week. 
So far I've been on 4 bike rides this year, and have ridden a total of 77 miles.
I have a secret goal of doing a century ride some day.

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Confession.

Here we go.
My intentions are to resurrect my little livejournal, in hopes that it will again bring me the support and successes it once did from all the friends i had made and just the daily routine of the whole thing - being accountable to something and myself.
About 2 years ago or so I lost about fifty pounds. In roughly two years( a little less), I have gained about 20 of those pounds back.
My highest weight being 307 or so and lowest in recent time being 252.
I am now at about 274. Blah.

Anyways.



What I want, is to get back to my healthy old ways (maybe not as obsessed).  I apologize to all of you who are doing this weightloss thing with integrity.  I feel like I cheated. I have always despised people who took this route i'm on  although now i understand it a little better.
But, I want to get back to doing it (the right way that is).   I'm still tired of being fat.

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